The holiday season can feel like a whirlwind of decorations, gifts, and endless to‑do lists, leaving many of us exhausted and yearning for a break. In a recent TODAY.com feature, mental health therapist and contributor Niro Feliciano argues that the key to a calmer, more meaningful holiday lies not in flawless perfection but in genuine connection.
The Mantra Behind the Message
Feliciano’s new book, All Is Calmish, centers on a simple yet powerful principle: “connection over perfection.” She explains that the holiday’s relentless busyness often steals the very moments that could bring us joy. “It’s amazing how quickly I am able to let go of less important things when I keep those three words (connection over perfection) in mind,” Feliciano says. She encourages readers to choose specific moments during the holidays to slow down and focus on connection, suggesting that simplifying life where possible can help us be more present.
Why Connection Matters
The therapist cites research from the long‑running Harvard Study of Adult Development, which has tracked participants for 85 years. One striking finding highlighted in her book is that people who felt satisfied with their relationships at age 50 were more strongly linked to good physical health at age 80 than those with high cholesterol levels. Feliciano notes that loneliness is a growing problem in the United States, contributing to depression, heart disease, and dementia. “These numbers speak for themselves. Connection protects us, fulfills us, and keeps us alive,” she writes.
Practical Ways to Slow Down
Feliciano offers concrete suggestions for turning the holiday mantra into everyday practice:
- Choose moments to slow down: “For example, set out platters for an event rather than prepare an elaborate meal to be able to enjoy the company of others instead of fussing over food,” she advises.
- Decide what matters: “To begin, decide what matters to you and what you find fun during the holidays,” Feliciano says. This self‑reflection helps prioritize activities that foster real connection.
- Embrace simple gatherings: Instead of hosting a large, complex dinner, Feliciano recommends a relaxed get‑together where conversation can flow naturally.
Personal Touch: The White Elephant Game
Feliciano shares a personal example of how a simple activity can deepen bonds. “For her, it’s the annual white elephant game with close friends because it allows for laughter and genuine connection through vulnerability,” she notes. The game, with its playful exchanges and unexpected gifts, creates a space where participants feel seen and appreciated.
Key Takeaways
- Connection over perfection is a proven strategy for reducing holiday stress and improving long‑term health.
- Research shows that strong relationships predict better physical health in later life.
- Practical steps—slowing down, simplifying meals, and choosing meaningful activities—can make the holiday season more joyful.
The TODAY.com story reminds readers that the most rewarding holiday moments come from shared experiences, not flawless execution. By shifting focus from perfection to connection, we can create a calmer, more fulfilling season for ourselves and those we love.
Closing
As the holiday lights glow and the calendar turns, Feliciano’s message offers a timely reminder: prioritizing human connection over endless perfection can transform the season from a source of stress into a time of genuine joy. Whether it’s a simple potluck, a heartfelt conversation, or a playful game, the opportunities to connect are abundant—and they can bring lasting benefits that extend well beyond the holidays.
